A challenge commonly faced in dating is finding balance between the excitement of a new bubbling attraction and the hope that it’s going to work out with the need to remain clear-headed and realistic about the actual potential of the new relationship.
When we’re blinded by chemistry, romance and hope that “this is it”, we’re extremely likely to overlook the most essential question of dating: does it have what it takes to become a happy, healthy and long-term relationship?
On the other hand, when we are too intellectual about dating, making list of must-haves and focusing too much on details and process, we inadvertently close off our hearts and struggle to feel attracted or to connect emotionally to new people, and we take the risk to rule out perfectly suitable prospects simply because they don't fit our list of criteria or strict dating methods.
Effective dating requires the development and integration of all of our intelligence centers - Body, Mind and Heart - because we need all our resources to make what is possibly the most important life decision that we can ever make:
With whom am I choosing to share my energy, feelings and body?
In everything we do, including dating, we tend to favor one of our intelligence centers – Body, Mind or Heart - at the detriment of one or two of the others.
People whose Body intelligence center is the strongest follow their physical impulses too much. They can’t help putting too much emphasis on chemistry, tend to become physically intimate prematurely, and are at risk of following their gut instincts blindly.
We’re in trouble when we become addicted to someone’s body even when the relationship shows little to no chance to lead to what we truly intend to create.
People who rely too heavily on their Heart intelligence center follow their feelings too much. They allow themselves to fall in love quickly, they reveal a lot of personal information really early in the relationship and they tend to easily experience “I just know” feelings.
When we are addicted to our feelings, we take the risk of falling in love with people that we are not compatible with, sometimes with people who do not reciprocate our intention and feelings at all.
People who strongly depend on their Mind intelligence center believe their thoughts too much. They want their prospective partners to fulfill specific criteria – sometimes not even relevant to what relationships truly need - and they get overly attached to their must-have lists when dating.
When we are addicted to our lists and over-intellectualize our dating, we might pass on potential great partners and we can end up perpetually chasing the elusive “perfect” partner.
Balancing Body, Mind and Heart centers in dating requires of us that as we meet new prospective partners and start getting to know them, we refrain from relying too heavily on the intelligence center that we already use too much and purposefully strengthen the one(s) that we don’t use enough.
We must seek balance between facts, feelings and chemistry to have a real chance at building a satisfying relationship.
Now, how do we balance and integrate our intelligence centers?
We do this by developing ourselves. We start the process by increasing our self-awareness and capacity to be with very intense and sometimes conflicting feelings, then we learn to release our attachment to our strongest intelligence center, and finally we engage in new practices to strengthen our weaker intelligence center(s).
- Which intelligence center do I tend to use too much?
- Which intelligence center do I tend to underuse or ignore?
- How has this imbalance affected my dating process so far?
- What would be my next step to improve my dating effectiveness?
- What/who can support me in this intention?