Dating with Purpose

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What’s your dating purpose?

  • “Netflix & chill” Friday nights?
  • On-and-off casual encounters with multiple people?
  • The twice-a-week girlfriend/boyfriend?
  • Sharing a home as live-in partners?
  • A life commitment and living the rest of your life as a team?

When it comes to dating and relationships, it is essential to know where you are headed and to be fully committed to an effective strategy to get you there. If you don’t have 100% clarity on what your destination is, it’s going to be hard to select the right means of transportation, the right navigation system and… the right copilot.

Dating in the modern western culture means choosing between two completely different tracks: the casual track (first two first options above) or the serious track (last three options above). It is extremely important to understand this because if you are interested in a long-term relationship, you’ll have to get onto the serious track and stick to the dating methodology suitable to fulfill your intention.

This might surprise those of you who believe that starting casual and “playing it cool” is their only hope to “graduate” to something more serious down the line.

The thing is, dating is not school. You don’t graduate to the next grade just because you have proven yourself at the previous one. Your casual partner is not going to magically change their dating goals and how they feel about you just because you perform your “Netflix & chill” dates like a champion.

If someone considers you as casual date, either because they know (consciously or not) that it’s all they are ready for at this stage of their life, or because they don’t think (consciously or not) that you two are compatible for more, it is a huge waste of time and energy for you to sign up for casual and then try to “graduate” to the next level over time. It’s like accepting an internship at a company that is not currently hiring when you’re looking for a permanent position.

Talk about ineffective.

Now that we’re clear that we must follow the dating track matching our long-term intention, let me clarify one essential thing before I hear you mention the P word.

Having a general dating purpose does not mean having a purpose with a specific person.

Repeat after me:

Having a general dating purpose does not mean having a purpose with a specific person.

And this my friends is how you resolve once and for all the “pressure” issue.

Expecting and/or demanding that a specific person fulfills your dating purpose is pressuring your prospective partner. Asking about or stating your personal dating intention is not pressuring your prospective partner.

Purposeful Dating in a nutshell:

  • Find out what you’re looking for at this stage of your life.
  • Only date people who share the same general intention.
  • Use the dating stage of your relationship to assess whether you two have what it takes to fulfill your shared intention together.
  • Make a graceful exit when enough dating data shows that it will not work out with that specific person.
  • Repeat the process until you find your Special Someone.

Good luck on your purposeful dating adventures!